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Your tires have tangled, tickled
tops of water until you dive
in your metal suit of paint and glass,
broken bones and a tank of gas.

You are just a box of bees,
your radio buzzes and breathes -

a fading breeze,

tire marks and pleas.

-
©2006-2008 *xiooua
Details
Submitted: April 12, 2006
File Size: 399 bytes
Image Size: 22.9 KB
Resolution: 300×50
Comments: 43
Favourites & Collections: 12 [who?]

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Author's Comments

#

08/23/08
Much needed edit.
[x]

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~telescopica:icontelescopica: Apr 12, 2006, 7:27:23 PM
I like it too, especially the surprise awesome rhyming deal with "tank of gas." Yay!
*xiooua:iconxiooua: Apr 12, 2006, 8:06:01 PM
Thank you Ms. Jayne! :heart:
~purplepoet:iconpurplepoet: Apr 13, 2006, 2:35:28 AM
I agree with telescopica, the surprise rhyming was cleverly done :)

--
I cannot see or feel,
But I know.
`bananaprincess:iconbananaprincess: Apr 14, 2006, 11:11:14 PM
I generally like my poetry less abstract, but I love your work with sound. Alliteration, consonance, assonance--you use them so well that I have to read this aloud to myself. Sounds and images are your strengths.
I know I just fav'd a piece of yours, but I have to fav this as well.

--
Critiquing someone's prose or poetry is an awesome thing to do.
:star:The supremely awesome Mimesis 3 is available now!
*xiooua:iconxiooua: Apr 15, 2006, 7:10:12 AM
Less abstract? You won't see that from me very often. =P

I'm glad you liked it! Tell me this one isn't as vague as my others, did you understand it? I tried my best not to be vague.
~Zalize:iconZalize: Apr 15, 2006, 11:16:56 AM
I agree with bananaprincess, your images and sounds and the feeling of being in there you get in this poem is superb.

--
listen out for the whisper, the whisper on the wind . . .
[x]

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