-
Your tires have tangled, tickled
tops of water until you dive
in your metal suit of paint and glass,
broken bones and a tank of gas.
You are just a box of bees,
your radio buzzes and breathes -
a fading breeze,
tire marks and pleas.
-
©2006-2009 *xiooua
Details
Submitted: April 12, 2006
File Size: 399 bytes
Image Size: 22.9 KB
Resolution: 300×50
Comments: 43
Favourites & Collections: 12 [who?]
Views
Total: 388
Today: 0
Downloads
Total: 19
Today: 0
Thumb
Submitted: April 12, 2006
File Size: 399 bytes
Image Size: 22.9 KB
Resolution: 300×50
Comments: 43
Favourites & Collections: 12 [who?]
Views
Total: 388
Today: 0
Downloads
Total: 19
Today: 0
Thumb
Author's Comments
#
08/23/08
Much needed edit.
08/23/08
Much needed edit.
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CommentsWow. I like it a lot
 Thank you.
 I like it too, especially the surprise awesome rhyming deal with "tank of gas." Yay!
Thank you Ms. Jayne!
 I agree with telescopica, the surprise rhyming was cleverly done
-- I cannot see or feel, But I know. Thanks.
I generally like my poetry less abstract, but I love your work with sound. Alliteration, consonance, assonance--you use them so well that I have to read this aloud to myself. Sounds and images are your strengths.
I know I just fav'd a piece of yours, but I have to fav this as well. -- Critiquing someone's prose or poetry is an awesome thing to do.  The supremely awesome Mimesis 3 is available now!Less abstract? You won't see that from me very often.
 I'm glad you liked it! Tell me this one isn't as vague as my others, did you understand it? I tried my best not to be vague. I agree with bananaprincess, your images and sounds and the feeling of being in there you get in this poem is superb.
-- listen out for the whisper, the whisper on the wind . . . |
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